Monday, January 24, 2011

I don't know what to write about

...but I will since it makes me feel better.

Lately I've been trying to make my life a lot more productive since it takes my mind off of certain things and actually makes me feel good. I've been reading more, seeing more films, meeting new people and going to open casting calls for short films and small productions. It took quite the cataclysmic event in my life to actually get up and do something. I've always dreamed about being an actor of some sort, but now I'm making it a goal for me. Because dreams are only dreams if you don't do shit about it. So now, it's a goal haha.

Which leads me to something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

"What the fuck am I going to do with my life?"

Honestly.

I've realized, just as my degree in Graphic Design is almost coming to an end, that I don't really want to be a graphic designer. The only reason I chose to do the damned uni course was because I thought it seemed like the most logical thing to go for at that point in my life. And now I've aspirations in film and theatre (haha, and to think I wanted to become an English teacher back in high school). Which leads me to think: "Will I even give a fuck about acting in a couple years time? Or will it just turn into a monotonous chore that graphic design has become for me?". It makes me wonder if I will just become a drifter, the dude that just jumps from one thing to another, depending on what seems most "awesome" at the time?

I guess I shouldn't think about these things and just go for whatever the fuck I want to at the time.

Meh, I don't know.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

i miss you

You've managed to cling onto my mind and I can't seem to shake you. It's been almost 4 months since we've separated and I still think about you everyday. Maybe not as much and not in the ways that I used to, but I still do.

Every morning without fail I wake up and I see you in my mind. You're lying next to me, smiling at me, reminding me of different times. Every morning without fail I stay in bed, letting the time pass, all the while holding on to this memory of you.

The thing is...

I don't want to think about you.
I don't want you to know that I think about you.
I don't want you to know that you've affected me in anyway.
That you've made me a better person and a worse one at the same time.
I don't want you to know that you made me happy.
Or that I cried so much because of you.
I don't want you to know that I loved you.
And that I blame myself for everything.
That I hate myself.
and that I miss you.

I'm moving on and I know I'll find someone better.

But for now, stay the fuck out of my mind you fucking bitch.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Further Down The River

Quiet is the room. An open window welcomes the warm air and bright, afternoon sun in. Dust particles dance daintily across the sunlight, giving off a divine gleam. In the centre of the room lies a small bed whose soft, silky sheets are set ever so neatly over it. As you lie resting, your head cushioned by that pappy pillow, your eyes fix themselves to the ever wondrous ceiling, as your ears are serenaded by that sweet, subdued, and utter silence.

Your conscience begins to wander as you gaze up at that ceiling, its white, spotless surface a blank canvas for your imagination to indulge in - your eyes a pen, your mind the ink, your illustrations only limited by your aspirations. A picture etches itself onto the porous page. Like a series of cracks, the picture erupts into life and covers the ceiling with its beautiful creations. Colossal snow-topped mountains encompass a lush, green, vibrant valley. In the middle of the valley, like a length of royal, cerulean ribbon, runs a river. You are soon captivated by the sight of such things, so much so, that you seem to fall into the image itself. The cool wind, sails smoothly across your skin, as you descend into this nirvana. your body drifts in the air like a feather, as your senses transmit messages of bliss and satisfaction. You float gently above the river before coming to a complete stop. A small, brown boat appears, and you land on it with a faint creak, your descent into wonderland accomplished. Sitting in the vesssel, you gently rock side to side. You notice that the oars are bound to the craft's edges and you slowly set the free. Lying face up on the floor of your vessel, you marvel at the white fluffy clouds overhead and the blue sky beyond it, as you float down an aqueous path of serene mystery.

For what seems like an eternity, you float down the river. Opulent green reeds bow over, as if welcoming you. The sound of croaking frogs and chirping crickets sing for you, welcoming you to this paradise. Your body embarks on a physical hiatus as your mind revels in the view. You soon notice that a fine mist clouds your vision, but you don't think much of it. Soon the mist gets thicker and you are no longer able to see the white fluffy clouds or the blue sky beyond them. You jog your body back to work and sit up with much effort. Looking around you find that the mist has surrounded you. All has gone quiet. Unable to see what is ahead you begin to worry. You grip the sides of the vessel tightly as your breathing intensifies and heart races. Your anxiety grows when suddenly the smell of food creeps up your nostrils.

You sit there for a moment contemplating the smell; it makes your stomach rumble. Your nose follows the smell, leading your line of sight to a clearing in the mist. There you see the shore, and on it a massive pile of food, almost as large as the snow-topped mountains. You shift your body into the direction of it. Mounds of freshly baked pies, pastries and sweets cause your mouth to water and your hunger to grow. Just as you consider leaving your boat for the heap of delicacies,
what looks to be a bunch of small, malnourished children appears. You stay where you are, the boat rocking gently as you watch the children feebly claw at the food.

Slowly, the children begin consuming the food and you watch in amazement as their bodies grow to the size of fully developed adults. You observe the feasting creatures as their bodies transform and mutate even further. They soon come to resemble swine as their feeding frenzy continues, beating and contesting each other for the few morsels of food that remain. Watching in horror, you begin to retch as their filth begins to seep out of their festering skin. A putrid gas permeates the air and fills your lungs. Gagging and choking on the noxious gas you fall back into your vessel and shut your eyes tight, the squeals and smells of rancid swine become distant as you slowly drift further down the river.

The sound of your boat creaking and the water gently splashing against it accompany your thoughts of waht you have just seen. Lost in a haze of your own conscience you keep your eyes closed tight. A faint chinking noise intrudes your thoughts and causes your eyes to open. the sound becomes sharper and louder to the point that it is deafening. Peeking above the side of your vessel, you see a large gaping hole in the shore. Thousands upon thousands of gold coins gush out of the opening in the ground like a fountain. You watch in awe with your mouth ajar as the coins begin to pile into large golden masses. A feeling in your bones tempts you to go ashore and take some of the gold yourself, when a group of well dressed men appear from the darkness of the mist. Hiding back in your boat, you observe them carefully. Like mindless zombies, the men began shoveling loads of gold coins into their pockets. Watching with curiosity you see the men fill their pockets, yet still continue stuffing them, causing the pockets to enlarge and expand with each handful they shovel in. Bewildered, you continue to view the spectacle; their pockets soon become the size of large bean bags. You then notice that their feet are slowly sinking into the ground from the weight of their treasure, yet they continue on packing the handfuls of gold - oblivious to the doom they bring to themselves. Soon they are buried up to their knees, hips, chest right up until only their heads are visible. Their arms flailing wildly in the air, their hands full of gold coins, they are swallowed up into the ground. Slumping back in disbelief you drift slowly away, further down the river.

Lying in the boat once again, immersed in contemplation, you look toward the sky. What is this place? Who were those people? Why did such things happen? You ask, as if expecting an answer from another. But nothing happens. The gentle rocking and light lapping of the water calms your sense once again. Still staring towards the heavens, the mist slowly thins, and eventually clears, revealing the cool cover of the night. UFO's and interstellar satellites zoom, celestially, between shimmering stars. You give them a wave and wonder if they'll ever signal back, if they could even see you in your little brown boat floating down a river, which runs through a lush green valley, surrounded by clossal snow-topped mountains. These existential thoughts replace the deep contemplation of recent happenings, and you soon forget those things ever occured.

Your heart now at ease and your mind off of past events you begin to relax. A crisp breeze blows by, causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand. You sit up, cuddling yourself as you take in the cool evening air, the great mountains like ghosts looming in the background, the valley covered in a dark grey blanket. A soft song resonates in the air and finds its way home to your soul. Turning your head you find the source of such aura. A girl sits on top of a decomposing log, her lips quiver as she delivers a pantomime of melody. Her perfect skin, untainted by cloth, illuminates in the moonlight. Hair, as dark as the deepest trenches of the sea, but as long, flowing and smooth as the river you drift upon, lays upon her shoulders.

Her song still strong in the air, your heart overflows and you long to be with her. Creeping up to the edge of the boat, you look down at the running river. The tranquil waters flow freely, slowly carrying your vessel with it. Taking one look back at your little brown boat that has taken you so far, you plunge head first into the river.

Reaching the shore, drenched, you make your way through the thick grass, her son leading you towards her. The air is cold, as you walk, but the emotions that run through you fuel your ambition. You see her, her glowing body, salient among the dark surroundings. You feel your shoes getting lighter with each step, as if you could walk for miles, as you get closer.

The song still echoing in your heart you finally reach her.

A moment passes before she turns to face you. Her vivid green eyes, filled with an unknown sorrow, stare deep into yours. For that single moment your souls entwine, sharing tales of a thousand years of love, life and pain. Looking in her eyes and admiring her beauty; her soft nose, smooth cheeks and crimson lips seem to cry out to you. A single tear drops from her eye "Lover, you shouldn't of come over", she painfully tells you.

A look of confusion distorts your face as a deafening explosion blows you off your feet. Looking behind you, the colossal mountains begin to collapse, and commodius crevices erupt through the valley. Your little brown boat is swallowed by the river and soon spat out as splinters as the river spews itself across the land. Shaken, you lift yourself up off the ground amidst the chaos. You look toward where your lover once sat, to find that she has disappeared. Your heart plunges into despair as the world you created crumbles around you. You call out to her, emotion incased in every cry, but to no avail. She is gone.

Quiet is the room. An open window lets the rain in. In the centre of the room lies a small bed whose soft, silky sheets are thrown slovenly over it. There you wake up from your slumber with a snort, almost instantly forgetting the world you had just visited. Rubbing your eyes you slowly get up and shake your head. Figuring out how your body functions again you slump towards the window and shut it, your fleet slightly dampened by a small puddle on the floor. Lying back onto your bed, you look up to the ceiling trying to remember what you'd dreamt, but you're only met with a white, spotless surface. A single memory is all that is left. A pair of emerald eyes and crimson lips burns brightly in your mind. You don't know who they belong to and why you remember them, but you feel as though you know them, that there's a story behind them.

Maybe, you'll meet again with whomever they belong to.

Maybe, just maybe, further down the river.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

BACK AFTER POPULAR DEMAAAANNND!!

im listening to shaggy.

on youtube, thats what im listening to. and my phone beep. my ears are great hearing devices, i should sell them on ebay. this orange bar keeps flashing at the bottomg of my eye, oh its nyleve on msn, i should so block that fuck.

as you can see here clearly, i have started a new paragraph.

man, the future, i have the future in my hands. and it is floating away. out of my head, from my ear. to other places

sometimes i feel like i dont have a partner, sometimes i feel like im always alone. so i wank.

you know sometimes, fat people annoy me. lucky im skinny or id annoy myself.

dreeEEEAAAm dream dream DREEAAAAmmm, when i want you, in my arms when i want you and all your charms, whenever i want you all i have to do is dream. when i feel blue, in the night, and i need you to hold me tight, whenever i want you all i have to do is dream. i can make you mine, taste your lips of wine, anytime, night or day, only trouble is jee wizz, im dreaming my life away. i need you so, that i could die, i love you so, and that is why, whenever i want you all i have to do is dream. and then ill masturbate furiously.

hey, did you every think
that everythiung goes
how its supposed to
the way life progresses
it was the way its supposed to be.

i have no idea what im talking about.

WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MY LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE, MY DARLING, IVE HUNGERED FOR YOU TOUCH. A LOOOONNG, LONELY TIME AND TIIIIIME, GOES BHYYY, SOE SLOWLY, AND TIME CAN DO SOOOO MUCH, AAAAAA YOU STILL MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNEEEEE??? AAAAHHHHHHHIIII NEED YOUR LOVE, IIIII NEED YOUR LOVE, GOD SPEED YOUR LOVE TOOOOoooOOoOOooOOOOoo MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..... LONELY RIVERS FLOW, TO THE SEE TO THE SEA TO THE OPEN ARMS OF THE SEEEAAAAAHHHYEAAAHHH LONELY RIVERS SIGH, WAIT FOR ME WAIT FOR ME, ILL BE COMING HOME WAIT FOR ME.... OOOOOOOOHHHH MY LOVE, MY DARLING, IVE HUNGERED, HUNGERED!!! FOR YOUR TOUCH, FOR LONG YOU STILL MY LOVE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiIIiiiIiiII NEEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeD YOUR LOVE, I NEED YOUR LOVE, GOD SPEED LOVE YOUR LOVE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOHOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOHOOHOHHH huUUuUHhHHHHHOPOOOOOO me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-idDbIfGvw&feature=related

this my friends, is the maker of wet vagina.
listen closely as the vagina wettens from his voice.
the dampener of vagina
the moisturising cream.

i wish i coould sing like that. *sighs* oh wells!!

this is epic.
so epic.
damned epic.

like my penis.

hey there, geogie boy, dancing there so fancy free.

im so looking up that song, homer sings it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VA5yWTbf38

hmmmm... not homer, but an ugly man who plays piano and sings like a woman. im pretty sure theyre not the real lyrics.

im not a player i just crush alot..

i dont wanna be a player anymore

but you know big pun and something somethng down the whore...

lay on his chest? MORE LIKE LAY ON HIS BREAST!! big pun is such a fatass. i like to call him Pig Bun makes him sound fatter, and somewhat edible.

who you trying to get crazy with ese''?? dont you know im loco??

like kylie mynouge and locomotion.

when insane, got no brain.

i hate it when the other guy raps in cypress hill. he is so shit. just let b real rap. sometimes i imagine his name is b peel. becuase i like to assume the b in his name stands for banana, so then his name would be banana peel.

hello my name is dr greenthumb, id just like to tell you where im from.

lakemba.

thats why i fcuked your bitch you fat motherfucker. take money. first off fuck your bitch and the click you claim. nigga i hit em up.

tupac is an angry guy.

everytime i close my eyes. i wake up feeling so horny.

fin.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

There Can Only Be One.

It was cold outside. I was on my cigarette break at work, night shift. It was lightly raining over me as I took the last few drags of my cigarette, enjoying the warm sensation as the cancerous smoke filled my lungs. The city was quiet, the buildings towered ominously above, like pillars for the clouds. The weather cleared the streets of the usual, contriving characters that infested them, though, I still felt uneasy as I stood there, as if being watched from the shadowy crevices of the dark alleyways that plagued this city. As I flicked the last of my cigarette out into the street, I caught a glimpse of a cadaverous figure from the corner of my eye. I whipped my neck in the direction of the ghostly silhouette, but was only met with the silent stare of the empty street.

I shuddered as I turned and went back inside. The foyer seemed haunting as the light buzzed and flickered above me. I stepped in front of the elevator door and pressed the 'UP' button, the elevator shaft emitted a painful shriek as the lift made its way down. As the lift doors opened, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I felt the same eerie feeling of being watched. Taking one more look outside at the empty, quiet street, I stepped inside the lift.

It was cramped, with a dim light poorly illuminating the small space. There were buttons with numbers on them all the way to 23 and a mirror on the opposite side. "I need a haircut" I thought to myself as I pressed the button with 17 on it. The doors creaked as it begun to slowly close when a dark boney hand held them open. A small man, dressed in a dark coat and fedora crept into the elevator, immediately facing away from me. Pressing the button with the number 23 on it, he folded his arms and muttered something to himself. His presence made me uneasy and I shuffled away from him as much as I could. In my slight desperation to create space between me and the odd fellow that had just entered, I bumped the back of my head on the mirror behind me, causing a thud. I suddenly froze, as the man slowly turned his head, grinning menacingly from ear to ear at me.

I felt goosebumps spread throughout my body and a cold shiver down my spine as I saw his face. It was dark, wrinkled, teeth glaring a festering yellow as his smile broadened. I feared for my life. Who was this guy? What was he going to do me? Why the FUCK was he smiling at me?!! These thoughts raced through my mind as a tiny squeek escaped from behind the man's coat. Just then, a somewhat foul smell filled the room and entered my nostrils. It smelled like eggs. The cunt farted. As the smell difused into the air, he kept his gaze on me, as if he were beckoning me, challenging me to do better. I took a deep breath, straightened my back, and slowly concentrated my energy to my bowels. A soft, but low sounding note resonated from my anus, the smell, slightly stinging the nostrils. The man sniffed the air and covered his face almost immediately as he coughed from wretched stench, his gaze never breaking. I looked at him, feeling content with what I had produced, but his smile only grew. Uncovering his face, he chuckled, "it's on, cunthole..."

As the lift made its way up the shaft we fired shots at each other, each one more intense than the last. The foul stench now stained the walls as we were determined to come out the victor. Level 3, level 6, the elevator kept rising, stopping at level 11, only to be met by the horrid wretching of an innocent bystander wanting to hitch a ride. The elevator continued on. Both of us were sweating, out of breath, our assholes burning, but neither of us would let up. Propping myself up against the mirror behind me, a puked a little inside my mouth, still determined to win. The man, now leaning a tad forward, was not smiling anymore. A cold, emotionless look filled his face as he pursed his lips and began to push. "HHHHNNNNGGGGGG!!" he moaned as an earsplitting drone came from his colon, its filthy odour assaulted my nostrils. It smelled as if someone didnt change the nappy of a 9 month old baby for a few days, decided to eat said nappy, then shit it out into a bucket of shit and piss. My eyes watered, I fell to one knee as I wretched and coughed. As I looked up, I saw him place his arms on his hips as if celebrating a victory well fought. I got up slowly, wiping some of the vomit from my mouth. He was grinning again. "A bit of shit came out with that one!" he taunted. Breathing heavily, it was now I who carried the emotionless and cold face "EEEENNNOOOOOUUUGGGGHHH!!" I roared as I squeezed with all my might.

The elevator shook violently as I looked within my soul to deliver the impossible. The man began to quiver in his boots and cowered into the corner, letting off the squeel of a little girl. I felt the room around me widen, as i lifted into the air, the energy circling around me. My clothes began to tear off me and my hair turned a bright yellow. My eyes glowing, I glared at the man and bellowed "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!" feeling my bowels shift as the elevator groaned under the pressure. The man screamed as an earthshattering roar left my ass, the stench like that of a thousand dying babies, shitting, puking and pissing at the same exact moment. Light filled the room as I unleashed the ungodly stink, then as quickly as the light came, it was dark.

The elevator dinged as the door opened on level 17, stepping out I basked in the ambiance of my victory, my foe sprawled on the ground, unconcious. I felt a hand tap my shoulder and I turned around. My boss was standing there "How long have you been on your break fo-... what the fuck is that smell?". I only stood there and smiled at him, the battle was well fought, and I came out victorious, I was content.

"Dude, did you shit your pants?"

"Yes, sir. I did".

Fin.

Shiiit... this is like.. some geography shit ey?!